What is Emotional Intelligence? Part 2
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Posted by: Dr. Alan Zimmerman
Dr. Zimmerman's TUESDAY TIP:
"When I say manage emotions, I only mean
the really distressing, incapacitating emotions. Feeling emotions is what makes
life rich. You need your passions."
Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Personal Commentary:
Back in the 1950's,
a group of researchers studied 80 science Ph.D. students at the University of
California-Berkeley ... giving them a battery of personality tests, IQ tests,
and interviews ... hoping to predict their future professional success.
Forty years later, those same individuals
were assessed once again.
were studied, their accomplishments were examined by experts in their fields,
and their placements in such sources as "American Men and Women of
Science" were included in the final analysis.
Even though these were "hard-core
science" people instead of "soft-skill oriented" professionals,
their social and emotional abilities were four times more important than their
IQ's in establishing their professional success and prestige.
FOUR times more!
According to R.
Sternberg in "Successful Intelligence," the research shows that your
IQ contributes a mere 20% to your overall success in life.
The rest depends on your Emotional
It's something you
cannot afford to ignore.
Or put another
way, your IQ might get you hired, but it is your EI that will almost certainly
get you promoted.
So what is this
magical, powerful Emotional Intelligence all about?
As I mentioned in last week's article, it is
comprised of four skill sets: 1)
Self-Awareness, 2) Self-Management, 3) Social Awareness, and 4) Relationship
Last week I explained
Let's take a look at the
second skill set of Self-Management.
Indeed, those first
two elements of Self-Awareness and Self-Management are the very things I teach
in my program on "The Payoff
Principle: How You Can Motivate Yourself To Win Every Time In Any
You can read about
here, or listen to Bill Griffith, the Facilities Manager at Dallas County Hospital.
He said, "This
program got me on the right path in life."
Or listen to Phyllis Drake, the Cardiopulmonary Supervisor at Green
County Medical Center, who says, "Extremely motivational.
Excellent take home tips that I used
I would highly recommend
Dr. Zimmerman's program for your business."
To dig a little
deeper and help you develop the Self-Management part of your Emotional
What is Self-Management?
It's going beyond
knowing yourself to knowing how to conduct yourself.
That's why one person said, "Anyone can
be angry; that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right
degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way ... that
is not easy."
It goes beyond
spontaneous reacting to thoughtful responding.
A person who is emotionally stupid says and does such things as
"I'll do whatever I want whenever I feel like it."
By contrast, a person with high emotional
There is a time to wait and a time to move,
- There is a time to be together and a time to be alone,
- There is a time to work and a time to play,
- There is a time to confront and a time to withdraw,
- There is a time to speak and a time to be silent, and
- There is a time to be patient and a time to decide.
beyond a victim mentality to that of an owner's mentality.
It's like the small girl who was showing her
friends the bathroom scale. She says, "I don't know what it is, but when
you stand on it, it makes you mad."
Obviously she was describing the mentality and the behavior of adults
she had seen who knew little or nothing about emotional intelligence and
Dr. Daniel Goleman
associates self-management with such characteristics as self-control,
transparency, adaptability, achievement, initiative, and optimism.
My book on "PIVOT:
How One Turn In Attitude Can Lead To
Success" describes those points in detail, but more importantly it
tells you exactly how to develop those characteristics.
You can get a copy by
Of course, it's one
thing to know what the Self-Management aspect of Emotional Intelligence is all
2. How do you
You get some
And you learn to ask yourself
some questions ... so you think before you talk and do.
Ask yourself such questions as:
How do you define success and successful behavior?
- What are you willing to do to accomplish success and your desired results?
- How will your life be different if you think before you act and react?
- Are you willing to ask for help when you need it?
- Are you willing to listen to others' opinions?
- How do you keep yourself from succeeding or getting ahead?
- What beliefs do you need to change for you to achieve your goals?
- How well is negative thinking serving you?
- What will it take to move forward?
- Do you believe your current perspective is helping or hindering you?
- What are you doing to manage the most uncomfortable part of your life at this time?
- What is the best thing that could happen to you if you changed your behavior?
- What is the worst thing that could happen to you if you changed your behavior?
- How do you sabotage yourself?
Take a lesson from
professional stunt woman Kitty O'Neil.
She could have easily been angry or discouraged considering all that
happened to her.
But because of her own
Emotional Intelligence and amazing Self-Management, she accomplished a great
O'Neil's bravery was
wide-ranging: She was born deaf; became a champion three-meter and platform
diver whose Olympic aspirations were dashed by a bout of spinal meningitis that
doctors said would permanently paralyze her, and survived two grueling sets of
cancer treatment, all before her 28th birthday. In 1976, she became a Hollywood
stunt woman and was featured in dozens of TV shows and movies and held the
highest stunt fall by a woman at 105 feet.
When she took her
shot at the land-speed record for female drivers at the Alvord Desert in
southeastern Oregon, the record hovered around 400 mph.
Observers reported that O'Neil's car actually
reached a top speed of more than 618 miles per hour in various practice runs.
When the day for the
"real" race came, "Sports Illustrated" said, "There is
no doubt that by dialing in more power, Kitty would have gone still faster --
and maybe even past the sonic barrier."
However, dialing in more power was not an option for O'Neil.
Under her contract, she was only permitted to
drive her car to a new women's record. The movie director Hal Needham had paid
$25,000 for the chance to steer the car to a new overall world record, and he
was determined not to lose that chance to a woman. So, after O'Neil set her
record, Needham rather unceremoniously demanded that she be pulled from the
drivers' seat. His spokesman even told reporters that it would be
"degrading" for a woman to hold the "man's" record.
While the lawyers
squabbled, it began to snow, and the race track was closed for the season.
Needham never even got behind the wheel.
And O'Neil retired in 1982.
If Kitty O'Neil had
not been an emotionally intelligent self-managing person, she might have gotten
very angry about all of that.
have exploded and gave them all a piece of her mind.
Instead, she knew how to handle herself with
poise and professionalism and went on to gain and hold 22 speed records on land
If you haven't
mastered the skills of Self-Management, you can.
That's the good news.
So what are you waiting for?
List your three
major challenges in Self-Management.
do you "lose" it?
three things you could do to increase your Emotional Intelligence so you are
more effective at Self-Management.
We want to hear your
comments and feedback.
About the author:
As a best-selling author and Hall of Fame professional speaker,
Dr. Alan Zimmerman is focused on "transforming the people side of
business.” His keynotes and seminars are noted for high content, high energy,
and high involvement that transform people's lives and the companies where they
Click here to learn
more about his programs and products, or to receive a free subscription to his
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Reprinted with permission from Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Internet
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